All glories to Sri Guru, all glories to Sri Gauranga.
My (pen) name is Kaos Butterfly, but I was born with a certain Western, Christian name that I need not be mentioned. After receiving Harinama diksa my Guru Sri Sri Prankrsna Das Babaji, he took my old birth name and threw it in the river. I then received the name Radha Abhiram, meaning “one who gives pleasure to Radha.” So that is my real name. It is sound from the spiritual world.
I was born in Alabama and have lived there for most of my life, and since I was young I’ve always had a fascination with mythology, magick, darkness, the like. It wasn’t however until about 10 years ago that I renounced Christianity, the religion of my upbringing, and began my personal anados with the acceptance of Satanism as my weltanschaaung. From early on I believed in a personal Satan, a real Satan one who stood for the outcasts, the rejects, the lost souls, the demons, and those on the fringes of society; this Satan, who I had already known intuitively, was the patron of music, evolution, animals, and alchemy. So long before I knew any other religion or its tenets, I already had this intuitive knowing of this Satan who I honored and who I sought to become like, with regards to immortality.
So here I am at 13, abandoning Christianity and accepting Satan as my god, and then I begin practicing the stuff from Joy of Satan Ministries website. Yeah, they’re crazy, but goddamn, the practices sure do work. And so right from the start of my journey, I have a basis in power meditation and understand why it works. In addition to all of this I’m also reading the Satanic Bible by Anton Lavey, learning about chaos magick and all that sort of thing, the works. Just going through my edgy phase in my freshman year of high school while also learning the rudiments of energy work and taking my readings of HP Lovecraft to a religious extreme.
Later on though I started smoking reefer and I cooled down spiritually speaking. I got more into the Bible, into Islam, into Rastafari, stuff like that. My devotion to a Supreme Being was really seeded around that time. As a matter of fact, I was a practicing Muslim for two years. I’d say that was an insight role but it probably doesn’t count. My time as a Muslim was one of the happiest of my life.
Life as a Muslim didn’t last but two years, though. I started studying the hadith and sunnah and learned too much about my own religion, then that was the end of it for me. I saw it all for what it was and realized it was bullshit. That was a very painful experience for me. It was around 2013 when that happened, and I was 18 years old.
What came after that, however, was something that would be a total game changer for me, something that would completely change the course of my life. Sometime in the Summer of 2013 I came into contact with a gentleman named Ryan Fleming (who remains a dear and personal friend of mine to this day) who first introduced to me the writings of David Myatt and the teachings of the O9A. I was immediately infatuated, and something about it clicked with me. So I
Later on–shortly before the helical rising of Sirius during the Summer of 2015, to be exact– certain experiences led me to the conclusion that chanting the Maha Mantra (“HARE KRSNA HARE KRSNA / KRSNA KRSNA HARE HARE // HARE RAMA HARE RAMA / RAMA RAMA HARE HARE”) was, for some reason or another, particularly powerful and thus a necessary practice for me. So I began chanting semi-consistently. It wasn’t until certain individuals later came into my purview (early 2016) that my commitment to chanting the Maha Mantra really solidified.
So I began getting fixed up in bhakti-yoga, learning the basics, chanting daily on tulsi beads,
My background is mainly in the esoteric philosophy of the Order of Nine Angles and in Gaudiya Vaisnavism, although I really began with what can best be called “natural magick”, as it: 1) was something that never had to be taught and which came about by my own inspiration; 2) relied on a silent connection with nature and natural forces. With all of this said, it’s safe to say that both monotheistic devotion and pagan spirituality have become a part of the person I am now. I am not an expert, a master/adept, a teacher, or anything of the like. I am not formally affiliated with any group.
I’m probably not gonna update this blog very often (sorry!) but if you want to get in touch with me email me at email@example.com, I will get back to you. Questions, spell requests, and jokes are all welcome.
Agia h Baphomet!